Self-imposed stress...created here daily.

I'd like to claim that I'm a laid back, hip mom. Truth is, my stomach's in knots more often than not. I can tell myself all day every day to relax and take things as they come but honestly, that's just a lot of mumbo jumbo happening in my head all day. It's amazing I ever accomplish anything.

Of course there's the constant balance of being a mom, wife, employee, banker, housekeeper, etc. And then there are the 'me' items on my list, and one in particular is staring me down this week.

The half-marathon. (insert deep, painful sigh)

My third, you'd think I'd be over it. I trained okay. I'm in less pain then last year. And I know how much I love the atmosphere. But at the end of the day, it's still 13.1 miles. It's still this battle between my body then and my body now. The decent athlete turned mom with weak knees and hips.

I want so badly to be a runner. To know what it's like to be so passionate and dedicated to the sport that if I miss a run, I feel terrible about it all day and run extra long to make up for it the next. To be apart of this strange and fun group of people who do things a little differently. Who spend more money on their running gear than professional wardrobe.

I'm not there yet but hopefully one of these days I'll find a good balance. Whether that's a solid three miles or six, I should just be thankful that my body's still going. There are so many reasons I should be thankful for the opportunity to run a half marathon and yet my heads got me all worked up and worried about beating a time or looking strong or not walking.

Just another example of us being our own worst enemies.

What's your brand?

I've been in advertising for awhile now. And I think I have a pretty good handle on what branding is and isn't. I've also been hearing and reading a lot about personal branding. That maybe we should each examine ourselves as a brand. But then there are those who believe there should be separation between who you are as a professional vs. who you are as an individual. I have to admit, I've been on the fence.

As a writer...advertising or not...I believe that bits and pieces of me are brought out in my writing. I think what we write and how we write it says a lot about who we are, period. And I'm beginning to cherish that. I have a friend who has told me time and again that it doesn't really matter if you're wrong, just believe and do something all the way and stick to your guns. Because it's so much better to have a stance than to not have one at all.

Phase I for me and branding myself is in the works. I will be launching a website for myself that brings my personal and professional life together. Because I'm just about as passionate about what I do from 8-5 as I am for life during the other hours of each day. My profession is also very personal to me. So I'm going to let it all hang out...love me or hate me for it...or just ignore it. It's your choice but my hope is that it'll help me open the door to those goals I've been reluctant to pursue.

Stay tuned.

Defining 'til death'

As I've mentioned before, my husband and I have been married for five years. The first year was super-rocky for several reasons. First, we didn't live together before we got married. And, surprise, I got pregnant in our third month of marriage. I became a step mom. Oh, and did I mention that we bought a house three weeks before our wedding? Anyway, it was rough.

I've always told my friends and family that I believed the first year would be our hardest. And in many ways it was. I had a lot of growing up to do that year. I had to re-assign my priorities. And I had to learn how to truly share.

Today, we still have that house. We've added another baby to the family. My step-daughter is nearing 17 and seeing her is almost impossible. I've added a few side jobs to my resume. And my husband has finally decided to figure out what it is he's supposed to be doing with his life. Needless to say, our fifth year is turning out to be pretty darn challenging.

The good news is that when we sit down and finally focus on us, there's still that youthful, genuine love for one another. If I look hard enough, I can see those two people we were five years ago. And sometimes it's exactly what I need to remind myself that all of this is worth it. That this little life we've created is our own version of the American Dream. And I'm suddenly re-energized to fight like hell to hold on to it.