Time to let go.

I have a mental list of all the things I wanted to change or accomplish around the time I turn 30. One, and perhaps the most significant, items on my list is to be more upfront and honest. I have a habit of sugar-coating things. Of forgiving too easily (in some cases). And just being too much of a wuss. And I had the most perfect chance. No, make that two chances to change this weekend.

My little family and I were at the mall Sunday afternoon and my step-daughter and I happened to be coming up some escalators at the most perfect time. When we got to the top, I had a clear, direct line to my college roommate-a woman who hasn't spoken to me since my wedding day.

As soon as we made eye contact, I turned toward the door of the store and started telling my step-daughter all about it. About how she hated that I got engaged. How she didn't want to participate in my wedding planning. And how she kicked me out of our appartment a month before the wedding. Still, after the wedding, I left voicemails. Sent holiday cards...even a birthday card.

And just about the time I got done with the story, we found my husband and children and turned to leave and there she was again. The difference is that I had plenty of time to speak up. To say Hi and see how she'd react. Seriously, it's been just short of five years. Instead, I froze up and just stared at her. I watched as she walked by within two feet of me. And I saw how she forced her eyes away from my stare.

I've been stewing about the ordeal ever since. With all the social media and Google, I know I could contact her. I could ask all the questions I have. But with her looking away, I'm guessing that's just another way she's letting me know she's not interested. She wasn't then and she's not now. So how come I can't let it go? How come I can get over stuff that really matters but I can't let go of a friendship?

So maybe instead of working on finding all the answers I just need to work on letting go. Closing the door to that chapter of my life. To some of the people that I cared most about. But in walking away, am I closing the door on that fun, spontaneous, and slightly wild girl?

I hope not.