Evolution of Friends

I'm not sure if it's my mood today or if this is a sign of what my blog might become, but I've been haunted by a few things over the years. And the hardest to let go of is the role each of my bridesmaids play in my life today. Are we crazy for thinking these are the same women who will be there for us down the road? Let's take a look at where mine sit just shy of my five-year wedding anniversary:

1. Matron of Honor: My oldest sister plays a larger role than she did. Although we may never have nor will sit and giggle about boys or gossip, I know she'll be there if I come right out and ask her to be.

2. Maid of Honor: My middle sister. She has played the role of best friend since we got mom to buy us Heather and Amy at Skagway. And she's the last person I expected to drift from. As much as I hate that our dream of living next door to each other in south Lincoln fading away, I still hope that we can one day get back to where we were, or at least appreciate how our relationship has evolved over time. She probably knows me or knew me better than anyone and I do feel a little void in my life where she once was. My biggest fear is that my marriage is to blame for our separation.

3. My Step-Daughter: She's 16 now and doesn't need me to be a mother. I'd like to be a friend but somehow the issues I have with both her father's and mother's parenting styles get in the way and make me feel like a shallow, horrible person. If you haven't caught this yet, our relationship is struggling for no apparent reason.

4. My Best Friend from High School: She lives states away now but every time we speak or email, it's like nothing's changed. We still laugh about nothing and love one another.

5. My Sister In Law: Amazingly things are about the same. We're friends but haven't really crossed that line into being close. I'd like to be but let life get in the way of making an effort to get together for coffee or playdates.

6. My First Job Best Friend: She's moved on by now as well. We don't talk as much. Definitely don't go out as much. But she's consistent and there if I need to vent or laugh or drink (and yes, I believe we all need a good friend to drink with)

7. My College Best Friend/Roommate: Yikes. It all started with a shopping outing after class and we were inseparable for four/five years. Then she met a guy...and I met my husband...and I got engaged...and all she could say was how nice it was that we could share a bed on a big family vacation. Haven't heard from her since my wedding day. We still live in the same city but I'm not even sure what I'd say at this point if our paths crossed.

So my big question is: Should I blame my marriage for wrecking some friendships?