The search continues.

I took a moment to look up Confidence today. In my handy Thesaurus, it lists: trust, belief, faith, credence, and conviction.

Pretty powerful list of words, huh.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm on an ongoing, no-end-in-sight hunt for self confidence. It's brutal. Been going on for over thirty years. And seriously, I'm getting pretty damn sick of trying to find it. For awhile, I convinced myself that it's all my parent's fault. I wasn't told enough how talented I am. I wasn't praised for my grades or my athletic accomplishments enough.

But I know I was wrong. It's not their fault. So I moved on to telling myself that it comes with age. You grow into a confident person. But at 30, I feel less confident than I did at 21...which, in hindsight, is probably when my esteem peaked. (Must have been those velvet pants and backless shirts. Knew I should have kept those around.)

Anyway, back to today. I have no answers. And I'm pretty sure I just fell 20 feet back down that seemingly steep, razor-sharp rocky mountain that is self confidence.

In the back of my mind is perhaps the biggest question of all: how can I have faith in anything if I can't believe in myself?

When you figure out the answer to that one, someone please let me know...